Does it matter where we go?

I came home on a whim,
after having emotions tug at me for days I finally decided to make the trip back to this place I once called home.
Deep down, I know I came here to spend some much needed time with my family. I haven't walked these streets or breathed the mountain air for over a year. My heart yearned for the Andes, my mind yearned for understanding.
I've been trying to grasp another facet of my past and of my life,
absorbing everything around me, the good and the bad. Taking in everything and everyone I used to know. Grasping to understand who my parents are as I simultaneously grab hold of who I am.
I think I have understood now better than before that these souls and bodies that gave me life and a home make up an integral part of who I am and of who I want to be.
My questions had never probed so deep into their life experiences. Life experiences that have been so vast and diverse from my own and yet strangely parallel. After all we all look for love, we all experience loneliness, we all look for purpose and meaning. Their tales of love lost and found, of loneliness and community have helped me grip on more tightly to this ride of life.
I don't want to leave for many reasons. I am afraid of their growing accustomed to having me around. I am afraid that their health may take a bad turn.
And yet I know I have to leave. I could make this place my home once more, but my mind and my heart are headed in different directions. The challenge is the same everywhere: the search for community, but I must also accept my commitments and be lead by the things that make me come alive.
I have committed to doing a year with the Lutheran Volunteer Corps, working at a healthcare clinic that specializes in treating homeless individuals. I have grown intrigued and passionate about this group of individuals. I guess that my expectation for the coming year is to better understand and interact with people in general and homeless individuals specifically.
Perhaps I am already setting the bar up to high, I tend to do that.
Perhaps though, after being here for a little over a month I understand that that is exactly where I should be in the coming year. My time here has been like looking at my reflection on the surface of a deep lake. I see my parents in the background forming the blurry shape that I see looking back at me. I see a country that bleeds from racism and environmental degradation. I see who I don't want to be. I see who I am. I see my family's past. I see the lack of community among siblings and cousins. I see who I can become and who I want to become.
I am hopeful and looking forward to whatever comes next.
I continue to hope in a silent God. I continue to search for the area in which my existence will be most helpful to others.

I continue on with this newfound rest.

"So when I'm ready to be bolder,

And my cuts have healed with time

Comfort will rest on my shoulder

And I'll bury my future behind

I'll always keep you with me

You'll be always on my mind

But there's a shining in the shadows

I'll never know unless I try.."

On a side note this video is amazing depiction of finding community anywhere. I strive that one day I will better able to do this.