Can I have some water?

How many times do we unconsciously take some water to drink? How many times does our thirst pull us out of our seats to grab some water from the fridge or the sink and to pour ourselves a drink of water. Yet there is something so deep about asking someone for some water. Something so humbling. After all water is something that is so essential for our survival. For it is the liquid that makes up our blood, there’s only so much that we can live without before our kidneys begin to shut down. It is something that is so necessary and yet so humbling to ask for. So why do we shy away from people who have been ostracized by society who are only asking us or water. More than that maybe even a little bit of our time. TO just sit and talk, to ask about their lives. To ask about their today. For the last weeks I have been reminded on our fixation on time, and a story in the Bible keeps coming to my mind. It is in Mark 5.

It talks about this centurion, Jairus, who comes to Jesus asking him to heal his daughter, telling Jesus that she is close to death and he must come quickly.

So Jesus and the centurion embark off to go heal this man’s daughter. They are on the way, in a sea of people-probably rushing as fast as they can. The father probably fretting thinking of his daughter and the little time she has before she enters death’s door, maybe even walks a few steps ahead. Constantly looking back at Jesus in an attempt to get him to hurry.

Jesus is following this man, with his disciples around him. The tip of his cloak is gently touching the ground below him, when suddenly he feels a tug. And as if energy has escaped from his entire body.

Jesus stops.

“Who touched me?” he asks.

The disciples bewildered at his question, probably even laugh and say, “Master, we are surrounded by people. We are elbow to elbow next to people. How can you ask if someone has touched you.”

“No,” he insists, “Someone has touched me.”

Jairus is watching as this unfolds, he watches Jesus as he asks and he can’t help but fear the worst of his daughter. Doesn’t this man care? Isn’t he supposed to be the savior to all? Does he not know that she is dying?

And out of the corner a women escapes her fear and speaks up,

“It is I. I am the one who has touched you.”

She tells Jesus of how she has suffered of a bleeding problem all of her life. But she heard of Jesus and his power to heal and she thought that maybe if she could just even touch the end of his cloak she will be healed.

Jesus looks at her and listens intently, loving her as she shakes in fear as she speaks.

She tells him that as soon as she touched his cloak she felt completely healed. Jesus tells her, “Go. Your faith has healed you.”

Jairus sees one of the synagogue leaders beginning to approach him, and he knows by the look on his face that his daughter is gone. He doesn’t even need to hear him, when he announces, “It is too late. She is dead. Why bother the teacher?” Jairus’ heart breaks. If only they could have gotten there on time. If only they wouldn’t have stopped. If only, if only…

“It is not too late.” Jesus announces. And Jairus dares to hope.” Let’s see the girl.” As soon as he enters Jairus’ house, Jesus sees the weeping women and asks them, “Why are you weeping? For the girl is not dead, she is sleeping.” The weepers laugh at him, for they know that she is dead.

He enters the girls’ room. Bends down to her and says to her, “Rise up!”

and in an instant the girl rises, her eyes open. She is alive again!

He instructs them to give her food and something to drink.

I can’t even imagine what Jairus is feeling at this point. For a moment he lost all hope. He heard of her death, and yet here is Jesus who just raised his daughter up from the dead. Who truly is this man? And wouldn’t this teach him, teach us so much about time, and the importance that we put on time. The importance of reaching out to those in need. Oh that we would stop in our tracks to those living around us and ask them. Ask them about their lives. Ask them about their loves. Offer them a drink of water, when their mouths are so thirsty. Oh that I may be humble enough, and unafraid to approach those around me. Those in the streets that come into coffee shops in the need of water. To see beyond the ticking in our clocks, and see those in deep need. To see beyond our worldly restraints. And trust and love unconditionally, irregardless of the situations. To look at those that cry out for a minute of our attention. Oh that I may be more like Jesus and understand that time is to be spent. Spent wisely in lives. That we may even catch a glimpse and understand what it was that Jesus wanted to say. And to understand why the outcasts, the prostitutes are so important to him.

And I fear what I've done, means I've lost what I love.

Today in church we learned about God and how involved He is with us. Day in and day out. He spoke of how in American culture, you just gravitate towards a deistic point of view. I would argue, that it happens in many cultures, and not one person is exempt. Especially when you go through routine-filled days, in and out. Doing similar if not the same things every day, every week, every month, every year-all your life. You cease to see a difference, and you are caught up by this routine. And you don't see God as a personal, completely involved in your life-God. You cease to believe in miracles. You begin to see more things as impossible. Graduating, passing the LSATS, MCATS, getting into Law School, getting a job, getting into Med School, restoring a marriage, restoring your own life, ceasing to let the anger control you. Things you now see as unreachable, unattainable.
He also spoke on how we begin to see God as behind this fence, that we can't get to and He won't approach us.
But how wrong have we been, how wrong have I been. All the things I see as impossible are more than possible to Him! The pastor told a story of how when he was young, the pastor of his church gave the people of his congregation silk roses for them to take home and to put somewhere they can see them. That rose would symbolize an impossible prayer to God, and when God answered the prayer they would bring it back to the church and put it into this designated place for them. He told of how day by day, bit by bit, year by year the place started to be filled with roses. What a marvelous God we have! He is so faithful. And still we doubt. I doubt every day, about my future. My dreams. Of going to Africa. I question, and it's as if I'm almost waiting for Him to snatch those dreams from me. It's almost as if I'm expecting it. But how could I believe that God would give me this passion for something just to snatch it away? And still I do. So, I will say it again-how wrong have I been! My heart just aches from my lack of trust, from my fear of my Savior. Our Savior. He conquered death for us. That's the greatest act of love anyone could ever give. So I will continue to pray. For trust. For love. So that I don't fear this God, who only wants good things for me. For belief. In His power. He is the God of the impossibles, because He did the impossible. He died and rose again.
I believe. O, help my unbelief. I surrender.

Crucified to Set us Free.

A necklace. After much hugging and embracing she pulled me aside and gave me a necklace. A beautiful necklace, with a coral stone. This was no ordinary gift. After two months of volunteering at the red cross. I came out of it with so much. Today was my last day. And it reminded me that just two months ago, I would have come and sat down and listened to this doctor's life and love story. That she would pour out her heart and her feelings, as tell me of her adventures with Doctors Without Borders in South Africa, Bolivia and by mistake in Ecuador. She would tell me that that mistake would have led her to her husband.
 This was a wonderful woman. She was so cute and so clueless sometimes, and I think that is why she needed Jessica, the other volunteer, and I to help her out.
We sorted through boxes and boxes of medicine; typed blood, did inventory and soon the three of us became friends.
My heart ached for this wonderful doctor, this pediatrician-who in more ways than one was still a kid at heart herself. We joked around when we finally got internet in the office, and we checked all her unread e-mails, most of which were forwards, that lead to one story or another about her life. God blessed me so much through this woman, through this opportunity. For two weeks, we saw kids from a Home. These were children that had been beaten, raped, or worse. And it was those very events that had made them cognitively impaired, and yet they kept a happy smile on their face. The worst was when I had to write out the HIV test order for five of them. But this doctor had such compassion, she poured her life into these kids. And when we found out that one of them needed "un TAC Cerebral" (CAT scan) , she immediately said that she would find a way to pay for it, so they wouldn't have to pay the high cost. So today, as we all said our goodbyes. I was surprised, and I shouldn't have been-that she would give me such a beautiful gift. They were the ones who were being kind to me by allowing me to work with them. I didn't deserve it.

And in many ways, it reminded me of God and His gift of grace to us. We did nothing to deserve it. He made us out of nothing, He gave us life. Gave us hope. Gave us never failing, never ending love. What did we do to deserve it? That's what is so beautiful about grace. I don't deserve an inch of this, but He still gives it to me-fully and lovingly.I could never say thank you enough. For everything. The wonders say His name, the skies shout out His beauty, the rain whispers His grace, and the storm makes everything new again.

"Every day, again I'll choose.

there is no one else for me, none but Jesus."

Isaiah 30:18-26

Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
For the LORD is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for him.

For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images. You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, "Be gone!" And he will give rain for the seed with which you sow the ground, and bread, the produce of the ground, which will be rich and plenteous.In that day your livestock will graze in large pastures, and the oxen and the donkeys that work the ground will eat seasoned fodder, which has been winnowed with shovel and fork. And on every lofty mountain and every high hill there will be brooks running with water, in the day of the great slaughter, when the towers fall. Moreover, the light of the moon will be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be sevenfold, as the light of seven days, in the day when the LORD binds up the brokenness of his people, and heals the wounds inflicted by his blow.

Do you not perceive it?

My heart has craved adventure for as long as I can remember. I never really know what kindof an adventure I want, because it's so different from the people closest to me. Like my best friend-she is possibly the most adventurer girl I know, and yet our idea and our approach to adventure is really different. Or a another friend, her idea of adventure is settling down and having one place to call home. It's one of the things that has honestly frustrated me about being back home, I feel like there's such a lack of adventure here for me. Day in and day out-things are the same. I seem to tack it on the hustle and bustle of a city life. But last Sunday I was struck with the great reality that Trusting God will probably be the greatest adventure I will ever take. Because it's scary and thrilling all at the same time. Trusting Him whole heartedly. And I haven't, because it's hard. And so I've been fighting, fighting with those around me, fighting in my head with people who are five thousand miles away, or in a nearby country. But what I never really realized, is that I have been really fighting with God,even though I cried surrender, I really
wasn't surrendering, I still held on so tight to the reins. Refusing to let go. I had lost all hope of a future. I had taken things into my own hands and failed. I had failed miserably, and lost all hope. Hope in our creator. Our God is a God of hope, and I had just really I had lost hope. I was a hopeless individual walking around the halls of classes, and libraries without hope. But a human being without Hope, without God who is Hope, is not really living. It starts to become shuffle and a miserable existence.
But God whispers to the deep within our hearts, to our sin, to our selfishness, to our pride:
"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and the rivers of the desert."-Is. 43:19
We may think we can't do it. It's too hard, we failed. But nothing, NOTHING is impossible for Him.
He knows.
"'For I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord, 'Plans for good and not to harm you, to give you a FUTURE and a Hope.'"-Jer. 29:11

So Trusting Him-may scare me and thrill me. But I am willing to do it. And I may not go out and save lives and heal wounds, but I am embarking in the greatest adventure of all. To Trust God wholeheartedly and to lay my pride down. And to stop fighting with Him. To Trust in Him and his never failing love and his never ending promises. And maybe my soul will now resonate with Paul in Philippians 4:12-13
"I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need, I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me."
So from a busy city, Hope and Adventure are found in the greatest Love of all. As I lay down my pride, and my anger at His feet. And finally surrender to these great rivers of adventure He offers. To give you a Future and a Hope.

You Hold Me Now.

Now, I’m officially done with my freshmen year. And honestly, I don’t feel like I conquered it. Or like I came out knowing exactly what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Actually, I came out more confused. With mediocre grades, which kills me. More than it should. I’ve finally started to work for something in my life, and it just seems like it wasn’t worth it. But you know what-in all of this, God is holding me. His hope never fades. My hopes, my dreams here, may fade, but His-they never do. He’s holding me, through all of this. He knows exactly what He has for me. And He’s holding me now-in this struggle, in this shame, in the fear of the future. He’s here. And He promises so much. And I want to give that even through this for my heart to give God all the glory, without Him I couldn’t have done it. I couldn’t have gained one iota of knowledge. And it may hurt, to see that maybe what I thought was my calling wasn’t. But you know what the most beautiful thing about God is-that what He has for us is so much greater so much better. Everything and more. In Him there’s hope, a hope that never fades. He holds me through all of this. He holds us in our suffering, in our failures, in everything we once thought so important, in everything. In everything my heart will give Him the glory He deserves. I surrender. Help my unsurrender.

Create in me a heart that's clean. Clothe me in robes of righteousness. Search me, know me. Try me and see.

God is great. That doesn't even begin to describe this amazing God we serve.
One more exam and freshmen year will be behind me. And all I can think to do is thank God. He has done so much in this year. He has taught me so much. So much about Himself. About trust. and Surrendering. And through the hard times, through the sleepless nights and days-His quiet, still whisper was resonating in the wind, in the air, in the paths all around me. He wrapped His arms of love around me, in my pain, when I thought I was done with all of this. His plans are so great. And though I may not know them-I find such beauty in that very fact. Even. EVEN if that means that I won't be a doctor. But you know what? That doesn't even matter. Because His plans are greater than anything I could want or desire. And His love, oh it's better than life. And that's all I need. All I want. He's all I want. He's gotten me so far. And even though sleepless nights are to follow-I choose to trust in His unfailing love. And wait upon His name, as He teaches me what waiting on Him looks like. And resonating the song, "Search Me, Know Me."-Jonah 33, all I am asking for is that You cleanse me, Lord. For Him to come into my life and make me whole and pure for Him and Him alone. To remove any worthless affection for anything but Him. And I choose to bring all of my life before Him. And continue in this daily beautiful surrender. God is so good. And my lips will praise Him.
On Thursday-I will be on my way to the beach. Oh God is good.
And His timing-ahh-well, it's perfect.